I wish I knew, actually. The TV anchor and newswoman lost her husband to colon cancer in 1998, when she was 41 and he was 42. She also was (and still is) a very famous person, so all of her readjusting had to take place in public view. Someone who appears to have an otherwise charmed and perfect life also had to go through all the grieving -- so I really feel for her. I read her Facebook page for inspiration.
Weeks before Frank died, I read an interview with Katie Couric about her husband's death. She wasn't afraid of her husband dying, she said, but she was afraid of "the loss." I'm not sure I understood that sentiment then, and I'm sure I still don't understand that. But, I do think about being afraid of, in Katie Couric's words -- "the loss" -- in my own context, and yup, it's something to be feared. So, I sort of understand what she was saying.
Getting through "the loss" seems both extraordinary and endless just now. Life is completely, entirely changed. I don't really like all these changes (living without Frank), but they had to happen, and I may as well pile them on all at once. Absolutely everything down to my inner self has been rattled. I can make the practical, visible changes on the outside (such as selling the house and moving), but I'm still very much working on the changes on the inside. That's where "the loss" really touches home. And it's still not a good feeling, just now.
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